Characters & Locations

Part 5

Arizona

( The Third Time Though The Simulation )

2011 - 2013

The Italian led Loid on for over a year

visiting him 3 times in Los Angeles after leaving Italy. For the last trip the Italian suggested that they get an apartment together for 3 months in Hollywood. They both knew this would mean Loid would leave his oldest friend's house forever and effectively making him leave what had been his home for the past year. For more than a year Loid had been seeing a psychologist and began taking medication for anxiety. He thought he had fixed that part of him that was broken those last years in Italy. He thought for a moment that this could be a new beginning for both of them. The whole year everything Loid did was to ensure he could enter and stay legally. He desperately wanted to return to his home in Italy.

While staying together in a small sublet apartment in Hollywood for 3 months in the winter of 2010, the IRS caught up with Loid. He had not paid income taxes since loosing his mind in Amsterdam. Loid did not stop paying income tax on purposes. After overdosing in Amsterdam 4 years earlier causing his extreme first psychedelic experience everything about his life became complete disconnected from from reality and he simply forgot about this most basic requirement that everyone knows they must do in order to avoid the inevitable painful consequence of not paying your taxes. It was over a year since being back in Los Angeles and while staying in a 3 month sublet apartment in hollywood with the Italian that the wife of Albert Einstein called Loid in disbelief to confirm and ask is if this was true. Only then did he remember and realize that for years he had made this unintentional but very serious mistake. His boss was unable to pay Loid until the government decided what to do with him. To the Italian this was confirmation that Loid's job wasn't real nor was he a real man. Loid had no money and nowhere to go because this was also when his Italian boyfriend told him in front of his physiologist that he never had any intention of continuing their relationship by returning home to Italy together. The Italian did not visit Loid over the past year to make a choice about their future together but to confirm and understand a choice he had made before Loid had left Italy over a year earlier. Loid did not understand that he had already lost everything and broke his relationship beyond repair during those last years as an illegal alien paralyzed with paranoia and consumed by fear of being deported. Loid lived his life in Italy irrationally all those years and it was only at the the moment he had everything he wanted and was under constant threat of being deported did he realize had he had not made any plan to insure this perfect life would be sustainable. When the Italian realized he had done made Loid homeless he rented a car and drove Loid east towards the desert wasteland of Phoenix, Arizona. This was Loid's only option because his mother had relocated there a few months after Loid found his father dead of a heart attack at 42 years old when Loid was 17 years old. That choice to stay in Los Angeles to start college directly led to Loid's first relationship that abruptly ended when his first boyfriend, the actor from Argentina, was deported for the mistake of not considering the consequences of being careless about making sure that what is important needs to be legal and sustainable.

After assuring himself that Loid wouldn't be homeless the Italian guy drove back to Los Angeles and got on a plane. The Italian went back to Italy.... back to Loid's home on the 24th floor of the skyscraper of Rimini... back to Loid's cat... and back to all of Loid's friends. This was everything that Loid would never see again.


Arizona

2011 - 2013

The Superstition Mountains Arizon by Loid Larson

Arizona Winter 2011

Superstition is any belief or practice that is considered irrational or supernatural:

for example, if it arises from ignorance, a misunderstanding of science or causality, a positive belief in fate or magic, or fear of that which is unknown. It is commonly applied to beliefs and practices surrounding luck, prophecy, and spiritual beings, particularly the belief that future events can be foretold by specific (apparently) unrelated prior events.

The Italian at the Bordello at Goldfield Ghost Town
Superstition Mountains AZ Winter 2011

Goldfield Ghost Town
Superstition Mountains AZ Winter 2011

Loid Larson & Giovanni Casadei saying goodbye at The Superstition Mountains in Arizona

The Finality of Saying Goodbye to Each Other at Goldfield Ghost Town in Front of the Superstition Mountains.. Over 10 Years Since Their First Late Night Encounter In Rome, Italy.
Superstition Mountains AZ Winter 2011

"Don't be naive Loid. Love isn't real. Love doesn't exist. Love is just the nice way to describe how people use each other to get what they want. When you're not getting what you want you move on to someone else."

-Said to Loid 5 years earlier by the Italian boyfriend while walking on the beach in Italy. It took the Italian 10 years to prove his point.


Alien Landscape Painted House In The Desert

Chair and Piano In The Alien Landscape Painted House In The Desert
Phoenix AZ 2012

Portrait of Loid's only friend in the desert in his Alien Landscape Painted House. This artist got Loid into digital art when they met in the 90s. He left the desert and moved to Portland a year after Loid had arrived. Loid never made another real friend in the desert after that.
Phoenix AZ 2012



"When Men Just Break Up A Long Term Relationship They Always End Up With Someone Much Too Young For Them."

- L.A. Story


Loid was 37 years old when he was abandoned at his mother's house in Phoenix, Arizona. It was 2011 and the dawn of the age of smartphone dating apps by location. So many options for distractions to fill the void of loosing his life and everything in Italy.

Within 6 months of his desert exile Loid was dating a 20 year old and trying very hard to forget about Italy.



The boyfriend from Phoenix

was a D.J. and a Waiter with a million friends and everyone loved him. He D.J.ed at raves and was always surrounded by crazy club kids and artists. He hated being on stage but somehow he was always the center of attention. With him every weekend in Phoenix there was something to do. Always some party... or dinner... or rehearsal... or event... or something... always something as Loid followed his boyfriend and tried to figure out how to understand everyone and be understood. The beginning was difficult because of the age and culture differences. His boyfriend's crazy friends in the desert became Loid's friends and that made Loid feel less crazy.



Within 6 months they were living together in a small apartment in a Forest within the Desert Wasteland of Phoenix, Arizona.

This third time though the simulation had a couple of good years but was never really meant to be. It even continued for 10 months after the world ended in December 2012.


RAZZA & MALISZ / DJ set at a nightclub
Scottsdale AZ 2011

SHAWN MALISZ

RAZZA & MALISZ publicity photo
Phoenix AZ 2011

SHAWN MALISZ

RAZZA & MALISZ publicity photo
Phoenix AZ Summer 2011

SHAWN MALISZ RAZZA & MALISZ  /  DJ set at a Rave in Phoenix

RAZZA & MALISZ / DJ set at a Rave
Phoenix AZ 2011

SHAWN MALISZ & LOID LARSON

Loid and his first American boyfriend
Phoenix AZ 2012

SHAWN MALISZ & LOID LARSON

Becoming one with an iPad distortion filter
Phoenix AZ 2012

SHAWN MALISZ & LOID LARSON  in the front row seeing Above & Beyond at Global Dance Festival inside Red Rocks Amphitheater, Colorado USA 2012 (photo by Paavo)

Loid and his first American boyfriend in the front row seeing Above & Beyond at Global Dance Festival inside Red Rocks Amphitheater,

Colorado USA 2012
(photo by Paavo)
SHAWN MALISZ & LOID LARSON

Crop from previous photo

Loid and the first generation iPad
Phoenix AZ 2012


Loid Larson

Fractal Loid
Phoenix AZ 2012

Loid and his first American boyfriend
Phoenix AZ 2011

iPad Filter
Phoenix AZ 2012

Loid Larson

Forest Park living room with Paintings and Loids
Phoenix AZ Summer 2012

Loid's first American boyfriend and his Anjunabeats tattoo
Monument Valley AZ Summer 2012


The World Ended In December 2012

when more than a week passed where Loid was unable to sleep. All year he was continuously haunted by visions of a vast global conspiracy involving the 11 year cycle of the Sun and time travel that the rich and powerful have always used to their advantage.

After weeks in a psychotic state and after so many days and nights awake he was experiencing frighting hallucinations that eventually led to complete psychosis. All day people, grotesque and distorted, continually entered his apartment. They would crawl in through the bathroom and kitchen windows and though the balcony and front doors. Just as they were about to attack he would close his eyes and the whole scene would reset. He was alone sitting cross legged in the hallway at the center of the apartment between two door mirrors creating the effect of apparent infinite regress to the left and right of him. Then after a few moments everything would begin again and the apparent invasion of these apparitions would repeat over and over again all day until evening.

Loid thought what was happening couldn't be real so it must be a dream. In front of Loid's boyfriend, who had just arrived home from work, he sliced open his own hand with a sharp piece of a broken wine glass. Blood dripped from his palm's open wounds onto the kitchen floor. He was hoping the self inflicted pain would wake himself up. Instead, reality continued to disintegrate around him until he ran outside naked and screaming. In the dark empty courtyard of his apartment complex Loid's paranoid fears and delusions became visible forms closing in on him. Within moments, 6 real police officers jumped Loid and pined him to the ground to restrain him. The intense visions of this waking nightmare continued as they took him away by ambulance to an emergency room for hours before being transferred to a mental hospital where he stayed for more than a week. Loid tried for months to ignore confronting the implications of that event. 10 months later it happened again.

Loid finally sought out professional help and was diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia. Because of that and everything else... Loid lost his first American boyfriend. And he finally understood why he had lost his Italian boyfriend and all of his friends.



It could contain conscious minds which may or may not be fully aware that they are living inside a simulation


CHRONOLOGY